ABCFamily's 25 days of Christmas is indeed here. And I'm listening to StlChristmas music. Which, I'll have to admit is pretty awesome. I really enjoy Christmas music. And movies, etc.
What I don't enjoy so much is how I remember feeling on Christmas last year. I mean, it's silly of me to dislike Christmas I guess, but it's really not a great time of the year for me. I enjoy getting/more giving gifts and all, but the joy is hard for me to find. I was struggling with this earlier today, and while I'm excited right now, this morning I wanted nothing to do with it. I was quite cranky last year around Christmas, and I hope that isn't the case this year.
It seems that I struggle a lot with the holidays. I've been trying to take steps (i.e. talking to people, etc.) but I'm just not good at sharing my feelings. This blog has given me an odd feeling to like put things out there. I really have been blessed this year with everything, and I'm uber thankful and all, but it's just hard for me to pull out that spirit every now and then. Is this such a bad thing? Christmas can't be everyone's favorite holiday.
And then there's the whole issue of the materialism of Christmas. The joyfulness that surrounds Christmas seems to disappear when placed next to huge blow-up Santa's and everyone trying to have bettter lights than their neighbors. Maybe that's what upsets me, the fact that people forget the real meaning (God, this sounds cliche!).
What I don't enjoy so much is how I remember feeling on Christmas last year. I mean, it's silly of me to dislike Christmas I guess, but it's really not a great time of the year for me. I enjoy getting/more giving gifts and all, but the joy is hard for me to find. I was struggling with this earlier today, and while I'm excited right now, this morning I wanted nothing to do with it. I was quite cranky last year around Christmas, and I hope that isn't the case this year.
It seems that I struggle a lot with the holidays. I've been trying to take steps (i.e. talking to people, etc.) but I'm just not good at sharing my feelings. This blog has given me an odd feeling to like put things out there. I really have been blessed this year with everything, and I'm uber thankful and all, but it's just hard for me to pull out that spirit every now and then. Is this such a bad thing? Christmas can't be everyone's favorite holiday.
And then there's the whole issue of the materialism of Christmas. The joyfulness that surrounds Christmas seems to disappear when placed next to huge blow-up Santa's and everyone trying to have bettter lights than their neighbors. Maybe that's what upsets me, the fact that people forget the real meaning (God, this sounds cliche!).
Maybe it's that I know that out in the world there are people who are missing others at Christmas time whether it's just from distance or for other reasons. I wish I could still celebrate with my best friend and Grandma. This sounds ultra selfish, but I really don't mean to come off that way. I miss them a lot, and I know that out there gobs of more [deserving] people are missing thier loved ones. I don't know...I feel like I'm raving here, but I don't know how else to say this stuffs. I feel like I should add Bah-Humbug here? (j/k)
Anyways...my goal for this week is to try and focus on the preparedness of Advent. I am supposed to be anxiously waiting for Christmas...I think focusing on this will be good for me.
Anyways...my goal for this week is to try and focus on the preparedness of Advent. I am supposed to be anxiously waiting for Christmas...I think focusing on this will be good for me.
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